i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
