shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
