I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
