I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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