is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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