Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
