i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
