He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
