You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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