Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize