He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i love accidental penises.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
