He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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