I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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