she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
