I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
