It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
