his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize