did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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