Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
