I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
