dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
