i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His hands were made for my vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
