I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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