Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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