I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
