i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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