why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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