just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
