I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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