Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
