my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
