Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
