OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
