dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sorry about my life...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
