Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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