He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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