we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
