You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
