He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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