Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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