I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
