She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
