The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
