I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
