Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
