That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
