Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
