Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
