Porn is love you can see.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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