you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
