Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
