I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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