you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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