i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
