So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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