I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
