my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
