Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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