Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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