Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
