I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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