Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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