Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
