***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
