hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize