TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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