You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
