overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
