If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
