I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
