Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I forget how to act sober
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize